She's out there on her own...9 hours a week.

It's officially begun. She's started school. Somehow, from this point of view, it doesn't seem to matter that it's only three hours a day and three times a week. It might as well be college.

On the one hand, I'm so excited. It'll be wonderful for her. At the very least, she needs more social time. Daily she asks if all her friends (who she lists one at a time)can come to McDonald's, come to Daddy's school, come to our house, come to Chuck E. Cheese's, come to our driveway to play with her. Not such a subtle hint.

I'm also very eager to have some good one-on-one time with Addie. Zoe had us to herself for 22 months before Addie came along. Addie's never known our home without another kiddo, and once junior comes, she never will. He'll likely have a couple of years when he's toddling around the house while his sisters are away at school. So I'm glad she and I will have a few hours a few times a week for a few months.

And, honestly, I'm pretty thrilled to have a bit of a lighter load during the week. I am always behind on housework and never have time to start the projects that seem stuck like glue in my head. I know other moms feel just like me, but I also know other moms make it work. They get the laundry done before the pile is taller than their preschooler, get the dishes done before the old yogurt becomes a gel-like substance, sort through the mail before the pile finally falls over when the breeze of my walking by is finally too much for it to take. I want to be one of those moms.

So that's what's exciting about preschool. But then, there's that other hand. The downside. She's my first! And I know school is good and it's not like it's full-time boarding school, but it's somehow a little heart-breaking no less. I spent a good bit of time trying to figure out why I found myself crying as Addie and I drove home Wednesday. And I think I've got it.

She's starting her own life. Melodromatic? Yes. Overstated? Yes. But it made just enough sense to get the tears starting all day Wednesday. In her first 3.5 years of life, we've shared all her experiences. She's been with other people sometimes, but this is school. Think of how much of your life happened in school. How many memories you have. Your friends, your successes and failures, your mentors, your big "aha!" moments. They're at school. And although she was likely waiting with a listening ear somewhere nearby, your mom wasn't there in the hallways with you.

I can hardly wait to know the woman she is to become, and I'm eager to watch and encourage as she's molded by wise hands into that person. But it's just a little hard to let her go.

Psalm 103:17 "But from everlasting to everlasting the LORD's love is with those who fear him, and his righteousness with their children's children...."